Had to work in the morning. Bad news because I had to wake up really early, good news because I forgot how good it feels to spend 5 hours alone by myself, and being free to speak/rant to God the entire time. It is beyond description. I am not exactly proud of being anti-social. I shuttle between both extremes, I can’t do without either, especially the part about being a loner. Still nothing to be proud of; it is potentially very problematic, haha. But today, I really needed the alone time and I felt myself exit the Huge Vortex Of Negativity (see previous post to discover why).
Had Bible Study for the small cell. It was interestingly, an all boys cell with me as their leader. Hahahaha. I absolutely love these boys – all of them so loveable in their own way. I am so thankful for the chance to watch them grow with each other, especially without me. It is such a pleasure watching God work in them. They even prayed for the two absent girls today. ❤ Hard to show favouritism really. I felt like we had a really fruitful discussion about God’s will. Rather than intellectually stimulating, it was a load of gentle reminders and silent whispers of amazement because God is so good! 🙂
Had worship practice after that, and I am thankful for my young keyboardist. Well, actually I don’t know why I am thankful because I felt like she didn’t really prepare and I had to juggle vocals and teaching her. But I just felt like being harsh was not going to help, and I didn’t feel like being harsh anyway. If she learns anything at all from today’s session, I should be thankful. I do not mean this in a sarcastic manner – I am just thankful and full of joy for the chance to teach and be with her. I do hope God can work through and in this relationship. 🙂
Had a good heart-to-heart chat with Jingxin about the stuff that was going on in our lives this week. Somehow we accumulated a few things that I felt that we just got to talk it out face to face. It was nothing against each other per se, but it was just, a really really good and honest chat. I hope I did not sound pompous or self-righteous about stuff. Jingxin is different now. I can’t say I liked which ‘version’ more, but he’s still Jingxin and I am glad our friendship has grown a lot since the start of the year, and I am glad we can still be honest with each other about everything. I hope this friendship will always always always centre on God, and we can continue to push each other on in this race to be more like Christ. It is exciting, really, to know others are running alongside you.
Maybe something that lifted me out of the Huge Vortex Of Negativity was this thing I witnessed during my one hour break at work. I was sitting beside this young family at the coffee shop. They had three kids. It seemed like the eldest was a girl, then a boy, and then another little girl. The father seemed to be busy settling some stuff at work, well, you know, talking on the phone and all in the middle of food. He was still being a little harsh to the boy who looked like he was irritating his older sister, who, to my dismay, seemed to be crying at the smallest of things. Sigh, kids. But I guessed the father settled his work stuff in the end, and his eldest girl was asking very sweetly and politely for him to help her take some curry for her prata. Listening to their conversation melted my heart. Every short phrase the little girl spoke, whether it was a request or just saying ‘daddy’ before the actual request, the father kept acknowledging her as ‘darling’.
‘Yes darling?’ (Even before she finished saying daddy!)
‘Can you please help me to take the curry and put it here?’
‘Sure darling! This one is it? Where do you want to put it darling?’
‘Okay darling!’ *scoops curry* ‘Is it enough, darling? Do you want more? Darling, is there anything else you need? Eat slowly okay darling?’
It sounds cheesy when read but the father sounded so thrilled and enthusiastic and happy to be able to call this little girl his own, and said every single ‘darling’ in such an affectionate manner like as if he just adopted her or the girl was only born yesterday, all new and precious and sweet. He was so eager to listen to his little girl, and to make sure she’s happy. (Whether he actually spoils her against what’s really good for her is another issue altogether.)
And I really wonder if that is how God sees us too? If we are made in His likeness, and we have fallen from being perfect due to sin, whatever we see or enjoy now would only be a fraction of the perfect standard. If a mortal man can love his daughter so passionately and so sweetly, can I also assume God must love us way more? 🙂
My heart is melting. 🙂