some reflections since moving into 2015

A new year starts. We are supposed to set resolutions uh.

Maybe for me, I want to decide who to put as priority. Well, maybe not. That sounds kind of mean. But the new year is scary indeed. It’s just the beginning and I feel like I may already be biting off more than I can chew. It will be God’s blessing if I make it past February or March with no permanent emotional or mental damage. He has already been so good in December.

I am taking up a whole lot of commitments, while not knowing if I am going to have another job. I may go to study at a bible college, experience and pursue God, then come back and rebuild my life. It is ironic how I thought I was setting my life right with God (which I still am working on), but where I ended up, I really did not expect. I did not expect the huge sense of confusion and uncertainty, not knowing where to go. I did not expect myself to fall in love with Him through music. I thought I was already there, but no, this is a whole new level. I read a lot less Scripture lately because I was approaching saturation of Christian ideas (all from different places, it became a bit overwhelming), but I play the piano a lot these days. (And I am working on another song now!)

It’s truly amazing to find God in worship. Just to run my fingers over the piano and letting Him decide what I play next. I know it sounds like I am hallucinating, but I am not. It is just amazing how I can communicate with God through music. As my piano techniques improve, I tend to be more reflective when I play the piano. I allow myself to think about my day, some of the issues in my life, people I love, all while I am playing my classical or pop piano pieces. It is almost like praying – I use the word ‘almost’ because I am just allowing my problems to consume me and sometimes I frown over them. After working hard at my teacher’s pieces, I usually end off my practices with some worship songs. I follow the song once or twice, and then allow myself to go wild on some random chord progression, and I worship. I don’t really tell Him stuff while I am improvising, instead I remind myself constantly – He is God, and you, just worship.

Nope, the problems don’t go away, and I am back to deal with life, but I have God.

So, maybe I will just set that as priority again. Putting God first and let His love do the rest in me and in His people.


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