Well, today turned out even more intense than I thought. Yeah, my schedule was kinda insane.
I was chatting with a friend about some stuff till late the night before, it was a good thought-stimulating kinda chat. I like.
But I still managed to crawl out of this awesome thing also known as The Bed this morning to go to work at MBS Hotel, which went pretty alright. It was empty enough (in terms of biodiversity), for me to read my book between bouts, and just relax my mind. Instead of going down to Bugis for my breakfast break, I decided to stay up in the garden for a nap, and some furious texting followed.
I rushed home to drop my stuff, packed a new bag and headed off to Bedok Mall almost immediately for lunch with Lobs. I feel kind of bad going out so often, but I honestly do not have much of a choice. There isn’t food cooked at home so I have to go out to grab food anyway (might as well eat out w someone), and I really have too much going on in my life right now, that I am rushing from one appointment to another.
My grandmother is complaining that I am always outside, but hey, you know what, I am seriously super fatigued too. I wish I could stay at home, but there are just things I absolutely have to do – tuition classes, driving lessons, piano lessons, and character development lessons at AHS. I don’t need additional support from my family and I don’t expect it but I really hope and pray that they can be more understanding of how I view my dreams/goals and financial situation. It is not realistic for me to stay at home when I can be making more money to save up, and I feel like I have to. It is also not realistic for me to give up on the driving lessons, which consumes the main bulk of my time. It’s ending soon, I am going to take my test and I will try my best to pass it, and end of story.
I want to take my naps and catch up on my data entry. Who in their right mind would want to go out all the time, if home is really such a pleasant place to hide out in? All this unhappiness is really making me irk going home, even if I am fatigued. So much so that I feel like moving to my parents’ place. I really dislike it when people just demand my time and attention without considering that I need healing and recovery and rejuvenation too, and I need time alone because sometimes giving certain people time and attention does not serve to help me mentally or emotionally one bit – one reason why I broke up with the ex. I really need patience and love dealing with my grandmother. One thing I really lacked while growing up is a supportive family who believed I could be better, and that they could do something to help me reach my potential – which is why I hold such strong views about mentoring and growing young people these days, and will probably always do. I don’t want people to be damaged the way I was, and have to haul themselves back up, and I would hurt myself before if I ever willingly or knowingly let my kids go through that.
After lunch with Lobs, we rushed down to church to continue on wedding decoration for one of our friends. I had to leave early to go for tuition class with Amanda, but I think they did quite a lot. 🙂 Hope this works out well. We had to do this insane backdrop, actually, we are still far from completion, haha. It involved me putting a string through these fragile little paper cones that we folded up – and I told God, may every little cup I put through this string be a prayer for these two individuals who will soon become one unit in You. And I think of the hundreds of cups we need to fold for this annoying couple, I am sure the blessings God gives will be so abundant that we can’t count them all. 🙂 #lingtingeugene
I then went for the first of the Lent Revival series. It was a really meaningful piece. And once again, I marvel at another name given to a boy of the Cheng family. I am slowly appreciating and realising the importance of prayer, and now God teaches me how to fear and obey Him. What beautiful names and what beautiful lessons to learn and absorb and apply. I shall leave this for another post.
I originally intended to unload my feelings about a very complicated situation with someone because I felt like the layered emotions and numerous unanswered questions was really just killing my soul. But thinking about the message just now, the problem seems a lot smaller and manageable and in fact, straightforward. Vivien, continue to love her ba. Pray for her and help her in the most appropriate ways possible, even if that means you are not the one loving her directly. But… it is seriously killing my soul. 😦
And, God is good. I am still alive and breathing and have a small fire (whom I want to pour fuel into) for God. 🙂
Check out my instagram @vivienlimin. God blessed and greeted me with a beautiful sunrise this morning on the gardens. I was just telling my friend how loved I felt when I saw the slow rising sun. ‘See that Vivien? I love you. I loved you yesterday, my love is new again for you today, as long as the sun rises, I will love you, so much so that even when it stops shining, you will know I love you too.’ ❤