Random outburst and justification

I really loveeeee eating clean food. It feels so awesome!

People keep thinking I am doing it to slim down (that’s a bonus!) and trying to mask it as enjoyment and appreciation. But I sincerely likeeeeeee!!!!

But I really like eating healthy because it feels awesome to feel healthy!!!!! =D It really feels super good and comfy. :):):):):)

I am experimenting with all these clean, no-cook, organic kinda breakfasts. And infusions! So fun and exciting and cleannnnnnnnnnn 🙂 CLEAN

I feel happy already. 🙂 thinking of all the fruits I am going to buy =D

 

I do have some really weak spots.

But yay!

 

Too excited from seeing so many Pinterest pins on healthy eating. I am soooo inspired. Heh.

No one hacked my blog. It’s still me. Hahahahahahaha.

Extracts from ‘The Currency of Influence’ by Micah Yost

The paradox of influence is that we must focus not on influencing, but on becoming influential. Leadership is granted to those worth following. Through actions, attitude, values and work ethic, people earn the right to persuade others.

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Influence is given to those who cast a powerful vision for a better tomorrow, exemplify strong core values, patiently trust and start by first getting their own hands dirty.

-Micah Yost, in ‘The Currency of Influence’, an article from Relevant Magazine 

I like how he puts it. It is what I really believe in. But I guess we must also realize that our gifts of leadership, however much or little, it is also given by God. If you have a heart to use your gifts well in His kingdom, surely you will be motivated to learn how to lead better and God will bless you abundantly if this an area where He wants you to serve Him in. 🙂

‘Now I know that You love me’

God saw Abraham’s sacrifice and said ‘Now I know that you love me, because you did not withhold your only son from me.’ But how much more can we look at his sacrifice on the Cross, and say to God, ‘Now we know that You love us. For You did not withhold your son, your only son, whom you love, from us.’ When the magnitude of what he did dawns on us, it makes it possible finally to rest our hearts in him rather than in anything else.

Jesus alone makes sense of this story. The only way that God can be both “just” (demanding payment of sin) and “justifier” (providing salvation and grace) is because years later another Father went up another “mount” called Calvary with his firstborn and offered him there for us all. You will never be as great, as secure in God, as courageous, as Abraham became simply by trying hard, but only by believing in the Savior to whom this event points. Only if Jesus lived and died for us can you have a God of infinite love and holiness at once. Then you can be absolutely sure that he loves you.

-Counterfeit Gods: When the empty promises of love, money and power let you down, by Timothy Keller

I have always been fascinated with Abraham’s story of faith. It’s one of my most favourite stories in the Bible and I am so intrigued by how he interacts with God. He makes me see how loving, yet strict, God is. I feel his pain and his heartache and his confusion and his fears throughout his life. I have heard about the parallel drawn with Jesus, but I never saw it this way before… and it is just so heartwarming to be reminded of how much God loves us in this way.

allergies

‘But when I see her.. I feel warm and my heart rate goes up. She takes my breath away. It is hard to breathe and hard to focus.’

‘Hmmm’

‘Everything else is a blur but her. I can’t even tell left from right, or pay attention to anything around me.’

‘Okay.’

‘My world spins. My face feels hot and gets really red. Could this be love?’

‘Well. It could also be a really nasty allergic reaction.’

It is who God is.

That’s how God loves you. You are one of his children. He’s crazy about you. There is nothing you can do to make God love you more. And there is nothing you can do to make God love you less. Love is not something God does. It is who God is. And because of who He is, God loves you. Period.

Taken from The Christian Atheist: Believing in God but Living as if He Doesn’t Exist, written by Craig Groeschel.

All Saints’ turns 40

My church turns 40 this year. We were asked to write our hopes for the church, what we want to see in the future. I thought like I would have some long lofty feel-good sounds-good kinda statement…. but I decided that this church is my family. These are people who already found God and know Him; people I really love, and really wish to see them stay and build this church together with me. If God wills it, please stay here with me. For all of you are my motivation, and my encouragement. Not sure if I could have gotten this far without everyone.

If anyone of you leave, then please shine much much brighter for God wherever you are and may our friendship never die.

what a messy world

I am quite disturbed by the path my friend is taking.

But well, what’s new, Vivien is always disturbed about something.

I am quite disturbed by the path some of my friends are taking. Sex, obsession with certain things and fallen values and all. I am confused myself now. Tiring hor, living here in this world.

As I said on Facebook, I have so much to think about. And lately I am just being a teenager about it. Sorry for the labeling. Hahaha, but I recall the times when I was a teenager and I kept looking for things to fill the gap: the empty times, the storm of thoughts going in my head, the hazy but prickly feelings of resolution and emotion. I just didn’t want to really sit down and think about it.

Today, I suppose I don’t really want to talk to God about it. I just don’t know what He would say, even if I figured out what I wanted to say. Yep, so that’s the problem right? I am shutting Him out on purpose. I am really not sure what He would say, and sometimes it’s just way way easier to carry on with my life without ever finding out. Then go out into the wilderness, get bumped around before coming back in tears and apologies. Stupid, hahaha.

I guess many things are begging for my attention these days, and I am feeling a bit crowded out. There’s just so much to do and achieve and complete and excel in, that I forget these gifts I have – God gave them to me, and so I got to use it for something bigger.

I told Chinhan the other day. I really love nature and creation and being out there in the wild environment where there are no people to annoy me, no worldly concerns to distract me from knowing God in what I believe, is one of the most intimate ways, or even fighting for a environmental cause with fervor because this is God’s creation! But the greatest (arguable, and highly dependent on how anti-social I feel) creation of all is man. And I guess God has put in me a burden for fellow men as well, as much as I tell God to take it away so I can retreat into the woods and live there forever. Even though there are stuff I rather be doing if I were given a choice, God made me see that investing in lives is what He wants me to do in this phase of my life. I believe investing in the lives of other Christians is going to be way way more rewarding and meaningful because this is where God wants me to be.

Am I good enough a leader? Probably not. Haha. I know my flaws, or at least I know where I wanna improve on. I am still learning bit by bit. But I don’t want to try be a good Christian only on days where I am the cell group leader. I want to try be a good Christian every day because I love God, and the by-product of that is that it probably makes me a pretty good leader. It is what I, as a follower, would want to see in my leaders – that you try to be better every day, you try to love God more every day. And at the bottom of all this, I am really doing it because I know God is the source of all the good things in my life. The truly good things. Not the good coffee down the road, not wealth, not education….. not any of these things that have material to it. Just, something else, indescribable and utterly beautiful. I wish for people to catch that brilliant and infectious joy too, and be so overwhelmed by its goodness that they have to pass it on.

This is what meeting a person can do to me – make me thinkkkkkk.

:) <3

I am a super sentimental person. I hold on tight for a long time even when people let go. But there’s always this scary threshold that once crossed, that person is pretty much as good as dead and I guess the treatment is quite drastic at times. From besties, meet ups and deep deep deep sharing to mere strangers, and empty stares, as if we never knew each other, as if I lost entirely any and all social or moral obligation to listen or entertain or be patient with you. Even as I type this, I feel like, wa, I can be quite scary uh?

I always find myself quite a messed up person. Unable to decide which extreme I want to be at. I used the word ‘extreme’ because I am always never in the middle. Middle means kinda grey, and grey hurts me. It tells me I am not good or prized enough, and still mildly useful to be kept around. Depends on how long I have been in the grey area, I may just decide to let go of the whole friendship or relationship altogether. I have no time and no energy for mediocre relationships with mediocre people who simply don’t give a shit what happens to me. Well, but this is different for some people in my life: my disciples, my friends, my cell group, some members of my church community. They have, in some sense, laid down their lives for me before. And just based on that credit, I would continue to offer myself to them for a long time. And for some of them, it’s my responsibility, duty and then, my pride and joy. 🙂

I have no idea why I launched into this discussion of my social relationships. Hahaha. But anyway, I have been listening to this song a lot lately. I am not really sure what exactly draws me in about the song. I love the groove of the song I guess, but I suppose I am also attracted by the possibility of finding someone whom I can be completely comfortable with, even if I am some idiot(which I really am, on so many levels). Not that I put up fronts, but sometimes I just really yearn so much to sit there and receive pampering rather than to give. Haha. I thought I would have posted this song before, but nope, I checked and I didn’t. 🙂 It’s really a super comfy song!

Let Your Hair Down

by Magic!

There she goes, there she goes, there she goes
There’s nothing better than my beautiful woman
Even though, even though, even though
It’s not always heaven, we still fly together

To me you are more than just skin and bones
You are elegance and freedom and everything I know
So come on and…

Baby let your hair down
Let me run my fingers through it
We can be ourselves now
Go ahead, be foolish
No one’s on the clock now
Lying in this simple moment
You don’t gotta worry now
Just let your hair down

Tell me when, tell me when, tell me when
When I can steal a sweet kiss right from you
I’m diving in, I’m diving in, I’m diving in
The water’s warm right here

To me you are more than just skin and bones
You are elegance and freedom and everything I know
So come on and…

Baby let your hair down
Let me run my fingers through it
We can be ourselves now
Go ahead, be foolish
No one’s on the clock now
Lying in this simple moment
You don’t gotta worry now
Just let your hair down
[x2]

You don’t gotta worry
Let your hair down
It’s only us here, only us here, only us here
It’s only us here, only us here, only us here
It’s only us here, only us here, it’s only us here