will i date again?

I don’t know why I decided to consider this question today when I was out surveying at Pan Pacific Hotel. It’s one of the better gardens to be in. 🙂

Actually, I am tempted to say ‘no’. I can’t imagine there will be someone who can connect with me that well, support the things I do…. and someone whom I can really really trust on so many levels, especially the spiritual one. I am somewhere I think such a person probably doesn’t exist, and maybe I am meant to do this thing called life alone. I am not being depressed or suffering from any trauma, just really, don’t think I could find someone like that. I have seen different combinations of characters – people who have the talents, and that frequency (then again, disappointed soon after), people who have everything but God in the right place, people who have such burning passion for some of the things I really like but have such questionable ethics and ideas it scares me.. they break my heart even before anything starts. I just don’t really want to deal with it. Maybe it’s fear. Maybe it’s just fatigue with trying to find someone who understands not just my strengths, but my weaknesses, and accepts them.

I don’t have much weaknesses? Wrong. So wrong.

And I wonder if people just want to fit me into some category of girls, and just not seeing me as me. I saw this quote on Instagram today (I am spending A LOT of time on Instagram nowadays): ‘But Pooh, you have so many other friends.’ Pooh replied, ‘Yeah, but only one Piglet.’

I don’t beg to be different. I don’t ask for differential treatments. I am not particularly fussy about a lot of things, but super fussy on a certain few. I am usually okay with most people. But the fact remains, everyone is different. I am not going to end up with someone who I only can be alright or ‘okay’ with, I want to end up with the one who can love, appreciate and accept my differences.

If I am only ‘the girl I could date’, then sorry. Right now, I only want to be ‘Vivien, the girl I want to date’.

At the moment, there’s only one Being I know who can do that, and who will never hurt me like the rest – Jesus. ❤

So well, I am quite tired of investing in things that may end up in flames. Not for now, I don’t want to plunge right in; I am not ready for a heartbreak.

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