i am not so good at parties

i like hanging out with people, but i like quiet places

i like some people more than others, but I have to love everyone

i like seeing everyone, but i would love quiet time spent with my boys

i love my boys, but i sure miss my girls 😐

i like chatting sometimes, but i love deeper conversations

i like air-con on hot days, but i love feeling the wind in my face and sky-watching, especially at nights or in the evenings

i like watching the sun rise, but i love the sunsets

i like watching people have fun in noisy places, but i love the silence of my home after having so much stimulus the entire night.


no, i am not angry or upset but i just don’t do so well at parties. i was pretty glad that i had a chance to go visit my cousin and have a good conversation while her fragile premature newborn made weird noises in his cot. it was quiet and comfortable. and my nephews are really adorable.


i really want to go to sleep but i always have such moments of silence and staring into space (or the meaningless stuff on the computer) after a loud night. just like as if i needed to reboot my system. haha.


going back to rebooting..


I was practising for the worship practice later, for the worship session on Sunday. There was this song in the list I wasn’t familiar with. I tried it on the keyboard but only remembered to listen to the music video now. Some things happened, and I realised one of the princes isn’t doing so well and my heart breaks for him this Christmas. But this song really speaks to me about who God really is.






So if you are in a hard place today, for whatever reasons, may this song spur you on to a better tomorrow, because His promises are real.

In His time.

something real something superficial

It’s Christmas!

My birthday passed a few days back. Things were really different one year ago. A bunch of people came down to surprise me on my birthday. Some of those people are no longer in my comfy circle, some have lost my trust over this one year, but there are also some whom I know will be there to love me in 2016 too. 🙂

Words alone can’t express how loved I feel this year!!!!

It’s really amazing this year. I didn’t really have a huge surprise. I only had two small slices of cake this year, but two girls really went out of the way to wish me happy birthday. I didn’t get to eat in a restaurant with my family. I didn’t even really ask for presents but I received so many! I am so extremely thankful for the gifts I received – you guys know me best. I said I didn’t want a book but the book I received was pretty awesome. I received quite a few cards – birthday and christmas combined. Yeah I kinda hate having my cards combined but this year was really very awesome! Long cards from loved ones! If combining my birthday with Christmas gets me longer and more sincere cards – sure. In fact, if not for my birthday, I don’t think I would have received any messages from my kids at all. Problems of leading a cell with guys and 2 guy-like girls. So.. it’s really really really precious. 🙂

My prettiest present :) bookmark, and with a mini octave! <3 <3 <3 <3
My prettiest present 🙂 bookmark with a mini octave!

The bookmark is seriously awesome! It’s going on my Bible, which my small cell got for me. Perfect match! Constant reminder of those under my care.

the present with the best and lamest story

On 20th Dec, one of the princes asked if I thought Two is Better Than One. It is an annual music event in our church, which I served in 2015, and probably had no real intentions to jump in unnecessarily. I was like ‘huh?!’ with a strong look of suspicion. He didn’t mention it again after that so I didn’t think much about it.

My sister told me at the hospital the other day that she bought a present for me, and actually my small cell also bought the same thing – then how. I said, erm, just bring it on lor! She said, it’s not something I need two of. So I asked, what, is it a Bible? It is a bit extra but I can still find a use for it uh. More Bibles always a good thing! She said it wasn’t a Bible. So I just said ‘it’s okay, i will still like it one.’

Then came 24th December – Christmas Eve, when my sister gave me the pillow first. I gushed over it and then my cell presented me with the same pillow but they were very keen to explain that they had sewn a ribbon onto one of the ears, making both pillows different. So, that’s a girl bat – for me. And the one my sister gave me will be a boy bat! For my non-existent boyfriend.

Thanks for believing I am going to find a guy before the pillow turns mouldy!!! Hahahaha.

What a way to explain away the fact that they just happened to buy the same thing for me. But okay, effort for the ribbon. If it were me, maybe I wouldn’t have bothered. But you guys, too awesome.

❤ check out the lovely but hideous card

No chance for a sibling shot this year. But it’s okay, there’s still CNY. 🙂

Most effort – zixuan’s “card”. That boy went to print out this stack of photographs from our whatsapp chat to remind me of the journey I have taken this year. Haha. Effort much. ❤

christmas is coming!

I never took a liking for christmas preparation. But everything changed in 2013. So, have YOU started your christmas prac?

i am thankful that I can see my table cloth

I thought I would only have at most 20 people to write for, but gosh, the more I prepared the cards, the more people I felt I needed to write for.

unflattering photo because the lighting is immensely bad at my table. but hey.. christmas is really coming uh!

day 3!

‘so, where is he? am I reaching him yet?’

‘err yeah, deeper. errr, here. yep, u got it.’

*I scurry off to do other stuff

*I come back

‘oh eh you got him! but there’s another dude there!’

‘ya I know, I am getting him’



‘yep, that’s it.’

*I scurry off again

*I come back

‘eh! what happened? are you not going to save him? how come shifted’

‘ya I know, I dropped him. I am getting him now, I only got his arm’

‘okay, he’s in the second gap’

‘okay. here?’


‘err, deeper. you are almost there. that’s his leg.

‘okay you got him! careful!!’

‘yay! you did it!’


(How do you save a gingerbread man? – Conversation between me and my boss. Someone dropped the gingerbread men into some tough places.

Rough time for the little buggers.)

I am feeling some pangs of mild depression. I don’t know why!

What’s going onnnn. I am allowing a lot of work stress to get to me.


I think I just lack sleep. It’s a really packed week. I resumed tuition two weeks ago, but this week I packed my second lesson in already. (Oh gosh, do I miss my angelic Bangladeshi boys. So studious! <3)

I don’t know why I randomly agreed to a meetup with Chinhan this Friday.

Work at NUS is piling up because we are readying ourselves for the final report. I already have data to process, but have no time to get to it because of all the other things I am doing. :/ I am quite worried that I will screw things up somehow.

I restarted piano lessons this week too and goshhhh ABRSM Grade 8 Theory is really tough. But I am starting to get the hang of it, feeling like I am really maturing a lot in terms of sight-reading, and hearing the pieces in my mind by just reading it. It’s cool.

I am working two days at the cafe this week. Tiptoeing is very tiring.

I had a sour moment or two earlier on Tuesday because I was panicking about the future, and well, God is really good.

I am also down for worship duty this week. I am actually very thankful for this. Really need to up my game of rest so I can be ready for this. I don’t do well without preparation. I don’t do well sometimes even if I prepare. -.-” There’s another music ministry gathering I need to go for on Sunday.

Thank God that I don’t have to lead any bible studies this week, but I am already doing some forecasting for next year. I am kinda upset that I don’t get to see the full cell this weekend. WHY YOU ALL SO HARD TO MEET. </3 We haven’t really met for the whole of December….aiya, oh wells. No choice one.


Where to get more off days? 😦 the busier I get, the less inclined I am to actually start on the huge amount of work.

day 2

oh gosh who the heck has the energy to throw out memories!?

not me. not now.

the most tiring thing about being at fatcat – is having to tiptoe everywhere I go, everything I do, I tiptoe. I have never really regretted being short, until now.

I regrets x 9025748527382736592

Today was a bit annoying, but I really learnt a lot about myself, and my own life philosophy.

I really need to pray for my kids tomorrow. Only made it through 2 because they all reply so slow (we need to work on this), and by the time they replied (if they did), I didn’t have time to check my phone, much less reply.

I am so growing muscles in my right fist and arm. Mixed feelings.

And I hurt my left index finger. Fear – I am so going to get scolded by my piano teacher.

I think she will protest me working there, but also can’t do anything about it. Haha. Because I need money.



ahh very incoherent post. I am tired.

throwing out memories and books

I have been quite productive on work these few days. Cleaning up stuff, throwing out memories. I am going to take a step of faith and throw out even more memories tomorrow.

I am quite the sentimental person, but over the past few years, I realised there isn’t much value in holding onto things, especially when it is going to be one-sided or misunderstood. No one cares much, really. (Sorry for the drastic realist view.)

So, saying goodbye to mementos of the past, and a big hello to a clean organised cupboard. 🙂 The thought of the clean cupboard and throwing out belongings excites me immensely.

Going to throw out old books too – yes, you read that right. Old vandalised books.

Don’t you feel excited? Well, I sure am. Hahahaha.