i wouldn’t say it’s life-changing

but the story of God with Morgan Freeman was pretty interesting. I really like the guy’s charisma and his reactions to things.

There’s a sequel! So next week, 10pm. I will be watching again. =D

I am 3/4 through the book I am using for my prayer and dreams journaling. This is my third book. The other books are way thinner. But anyway, I am enjoying this journey of writing my thoughts down and committing each day to God in prayer.

People may describe me as someone who trusts in God and someone who is faithful. They think I don’t doubt. But I am only just discovering the vast myriad of things that I am NOT committing to God about, and it hurts me. It hurts me to know that I can’t love God properly. Because I am so damaged by the world and by my own mind. So much so that I can’t trust God completely, even when I know He loves me and even when I know I want to love Him. It’s so difficult. It’s so much more difficult that I thought it would be. Maybe this is part of what it means to deny ourselves and follow Him. I guess I am just unable to put down my burdens completely and to feel completely assured that He is a good God and He wants only the best things (by His standards) for me. His impressive list of ‘best things’ may include hardships and what not, but I am really okay to go through it if it helps me to draw even closer to God. So that even in times of hardship, I can continue to worship and to praise my amazing amazing God.

I keep feeling like I let God down because I cannot give Him enough. I keep feeling like God wants to draw closer to me but I have been the barrier in my relationship with Him. Really need to learn to let go more of myself and depend more on Him and see fully His goodness in my life and beyond.

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