Student Camp 2016 is over.
I started out thinking I have no role and no place in this camp. Having went through almost every single committee, it seems as if I don’t really have a place to go anymore as a progression. I joined the logistics committee as a favour and a sign of support to a friend, and it’s probably the committee I feel most comfortable with. Old, comfortable people who love and appreciate me for who I am. It is really in this committee that I feel the most accepted and the most loved. And whatever we did, we did it together with laughter and joy and fatigue. I just signed up for logistics and for the worship team because I was offered and interested.
I never imagined I would be assigned the role of main medic for the camp. I fully thought that my friend Chelsea would have forgotten about it and just assigned me something seemingly normal like keymaster – whichhhh I wouldn’t mind doing though it can be burdensome, haha. But I am really really really thankful for the role of main medic. It allowed me to interact with students on a different level – one that I would never have expected, or craved, until now.
Through this journey of caring for and nagging over my ‘patients’, I found myself wishing I could heal physical pain and injuries in an instant, and then wondering if I can have the abilities to heal more than just physical pain. Then, I realised what Jesus must have felt when people kept asking him to heal them. What’s the point of healing the physical body when the spiritual self is rotting away? What’s the point of asking for gifts and miracles and blessings when it does nothing to build your spiritual being?
In this camp, I got familiar with one thing – spiritual hunger. This immense need to seek AND FIND God. To know Him. To experience Him. To see a glimpse of Him, not His work, but really Him – in whatever form. As adaptable beings, we get used to many things – but I can’t get used to hunger, much less, spiritual hunger. I craved Him so much that I found myself sitting physically in silence and just allowing my soul to search and to thirst and to surrender and to cry out. I never really got the answers or saw the things I thought I wanted to see.
I poured out my heart and my soul into playing for God on the keyboard. Be it praise and worship night or just a ‘normal’ session, I just let go and played my heart out in the live session, and it felt great to connect with God through things other than words and sometimes, meaningless and politically correct Christian jargon, and to see God work through all of that – is simply amazing. It is stunning to see how God blesses people who want to connect with him.
For some reason, I cried really hard during the last praise and worship session. I don’t think it was out of fatigue, even though I was truly tired, but because I felt God giving me an answer I don’t really want to hear or didn’t want to admit, but it was also an answer that I needed.
It was a simple answer: to wait for Him, and to know that He is here with me and indeed, He will bring me higher than I have never been before. And yes, I will be liberated and I will be free.
Yeah, it’s not an answer that I would consider ‘satisfactory’ but who am I to rush God to match my time? I want to believe that I love Him enough to simply wait and anticipate the good things that are about to come my way.
Thank you God. Thank you.