yay 2nd review done

So I am trying to compile a list of reflection pieces/articles/call-them-what-you-like on certain books – for my interview, if I ever get one. Been trying to get hold of and read books I think would be relevant to improving my skill of teaching. I have completed two books and the relevant reviews!

More to goooooooo…

It’s really a super enlightening and humbling journey.

#smallvictories

intense interest

sometimes i do wonder if i am just being too afraid of getting hurt again.

had my kids interrogate me on the progress of my love life today.

yep that’s right, my non-existent love life.

after listening to their discussion and the things and people they point out, i am not really sure where i stand or what i think about it.

just wait ba, i guess. as much as i wish for an answer regarding this issue soon – i am more interested in what God is teaching me in this season, and i think it might have something to do with romance, but it definitely isn’t the focus. it struggles to take centre stage though, and it gets frustrating and tiring……….

i have resolved to say a prayer for the future boy every time i feel a bit lost and empty regarding this issue – not sure where i learnt this habit from – but i thought it would be the best to cover this whole thing in prayer and submit it to God. i don’t know who the boy may be, but i am sure God does and my prayers are going to work miracles because our God is a God of miracles.

but.. tired ah. really. haha

 

funny stories from work

omigosh this dude from my work is so hilarious. I keep thinking he’s chinese because he will use chinese hanyupinyin, but obviously, he’s not. I don’t even know what race he is – but not chinese.

He likes to insert jokes into our group chat with the coordinator at HQ, and gosh it’s hilarious.

It’s a busy day today and he just says hello into the chat. And the coordinator just went ‘EH (insert name) I tell you ah you better not funny funny today hor. busy hor today. seriously. I will put u in cuffs okay.’ And of course, he just like ‘chill la. must have some jokes what’

He sighs (using emoji) at having to do extra orders from other time slots. To which the coordinator just replies – (insert name). shop. I need you to SHOP.

And apparently he went radio silent because she had to ask me if I saw him on the shop floor.

But he’s a really warm and nice supervisor, so it’s nice to know that he’s working on days I am on. The other lady, not so nice.

That said, I am super tired from walking around for 4 hours. Shopping was kind of fun. I do have to rush off to church soon because I am down for keyboardist duty tomorrow morning (again! surprise surprise).

I think I have played for the entire month of June – plus in-camp duties. If musician of the month goes to the person with most duties, I am so going to be star keyboardist. Or I was also joking if there was going to be a star keyboardist for the Sunday service – I am definitely it because I am the only one playing. LOL.

Okay, I am just tired. Bye

 

*LOL – update: funny dude just told coordinator ‘go for lunch first la orders can wait’

coordinator ‘.. (insert name) care ah. u really on the edge’

funny dude: ‘care for shopper’

coordinator: ‘U.. I ASSIGN YOU PLC..U GOT SHOP OR NOT’

(PLC is a burdensome assignment because you have to go downstairs to fill in and you have to use your money first)

funny dude: ‘what’ ‘assign to ariel’ ‘i lazy do’

coordinator ‘PROBLEM LA U’ ‘get fired pls’

funny dude: ‘joking la’ ‘before that i assign shoppers first’

coordinator ‘DONT ASSIGN MY SHOPPERS’

funny dude: ‘hahahaha okay boss’

Matthew 9:28

I met up with jingxin yesterday night. And I distinctly remember us at the bus stop sharing prayer requests – and I was basically shaking my fist in protest at the mediocrity we come into contact with or even participate in these days.

More than seeing things work out for the Kingdom, I really wanted to see who God is. Like, really really really really. If I were living in the first century BC, I would be pushing my way through the crowd or climbing trees or breaking into houses so that I can see the Messiah. I want to stop being shy about my requests, to start dreaming bigger, to really start believing in the Almighty and all-powerful God and to live as such! Not just any god, not a casual, comfortable, good-willed friend, but the God who is who He says He is. The God of the Bible – the whole package. I am not doubting God’s existence, but I want more. I want to SEE and know more. Never felt so desperate in my life. Are we content with small mundane prayers? I am not.. I am getting so sick of them because I think God can do so much more, not for our sake or our own selfish desires but if we really ask according to His will, He will, He will, He will, He will give it to us.

28Β When he had gone indoors, the blind men came to him, and he asked them, β€œDo you believe that I am able to do this?”

β€œYes, Lord,” they replied.

Matthew 9:28

hungry for more

Student Camp 2016 is over.

I started out thinking I have no role and no place in this camp. Having went through almost every single committee, it seems as if I don’t really have a place to go anymore as a progression. I joined the logistics committee as a favour and a sign of support to a friend, and it’s probably the committee I feel most comfortable with. Old, comfortable people who love and appreciate me for who I am. It is really in this committee that I feel the most accepted and the most loved. And whatever we did, we did it together with laughter and joy and fatigue. I just signed up for logistics and for the worship team because I was offered and interested.

I never imagined I would be assigned the role of main medic for the camp. I fully thought that my friend Chelsea would have forgotten about it and just assigned me something seemingly normal like keymaster – whichhhh I wouldn’t mind doing though it can be burdensome, haha. But I am really really really thankful for the role of main medic. It allowed me to interact with students on a different level – one that I would never have expected, or craved, until now.

Through this journey of caring for and nagging over my ‘patients’, I found myself wishing I could heal physical pain and injuries in an instant, and then wondering if I can have the abilities to heal more than just physical pain. Then, I realised what Jesus must have felt when people kept asking him to heal them. What’s the point of healing the physical body when the spiritual self is rotting away? What’s the point of asking for gifts and miracles and blessings when it does nothing to build your spiritual being?

In this camp, I got familiar with one thing – spiritual hunger. This immense need to seek AND FIND God. To know Him. To experience Him. To see a glimpse of Him, not His work, but really Him – in whatever form. As adaptable beings, we get used to many things – but I can’t get used to hunger, much less, spiritual hunger. I craved Him so much that I found myself sitting physically in silence and just allowing my soul to search and to thirst and to surrender and to cry out. I never really got the answers or saw the things I thought I wanted to see.

I poured out my heart and my soul into playing for God on the keyboard. Be it praise and worship night or just a ‘normal’ session, I just let go and played my heart out in the live session, and it felt great to connect with God through things other than words and sometimes, meaningless and politically correct Christian jargon, and to see God work through all of that – is simply amazing. It is stunning to see how God blesses people who want to connect with him.

For some reason, I cried really hard during the last praise and worship session. I don’t think it was out of fatigue, even though I was truly tired, but because I felt God giving me an answer I don’t really want to hear or didn’t want to admit, but it was also an answer that I needed.

It was a simple answer: to wait for Him, and to know that He is here with me and indeed, He will bring me higher than I have never been before. And yes, I will be liberated and I will be free.

Yeah, it’s not an answer that I would consider ‘satisfactory’ but who am I to rush God to match my time? I want to believe that I love Him enough to simply wait and anticipate the good things that are about to come my way.

Thank you God. Thank you.

fatigue

totally busted interaction quota today

i hate feeling tired of dealing with people and their seemingly minute or unimportant concerns…. but i am sorry la, i really do feel the strain and the numbing sensation.

sometimes people complicate things..

i really want to live through this, and know how to shut out stuff, maybe i am not exactly supporter material,

but i guess the small goal is not to get sucked into all the passive-aggressive games and contribute to any tension and not to lose my temper..

try not to enter rage mode!

 

 

it’s really funny how a humble and apologetic spirit really eases a lot of conflicts, and how the opposite of that causes a lot of conflicts. so many times today where I felt that an apology or acknowledgement of the hardship people impose on others would have solved so so much.

but well, pride.

 

it’s kinda sad that church weekends have been like that for me recently. a place where you thought you would be filled up and ready to go out, but it actually drains everything out of you. more than the lack of energy, it’s the feeling of disappointment that gets my spirits down.

 

but we got to hope in the Lord uh. endure and persevere

hebrews 10:36

love-hate relationship

validation and significance

 

some people feel the need to be validated on a basis so often that it tires others out.

some people feel the need to see and know and feel that their work matters, it makes a difference.

i guess, we could all do with some affirmation from time to time because well, we do need to know where we stand. And if we are doing well, then great, we could carry on. On the other hand, I fail to see how this can be a driving force or a great motivation in life. By ‘fail’, I don’t imply that it is wrong, but simply that I don’t understand and I cannot appreciate and I cannot contribute to that sort of validation.

it’s really mind-boggling how this even makes sense. Every time I sense that, I draw away. Maybe my senses transport me back to the times where I felt like my presence or friendship or affections has been manipulated to validate someone and serve someone else’s ego.

I am sick of that.. I so am.

 

I guess, we do need a dose of affirmation once in a while. But under what motivations, to serve what purpose, and how often?

*thinking

God’s Gift – last episode

omigosh! CLIFFHANGER

unfair.

why can’t dramas end well? the world is sad enough.

and I really didn’t get what stupid prophecy it was.. but they already had all they needed to fight it!!

Dong Chan ssi did not have to die and he was an idiot if he really decided to commit suicide in order to let Saet Byul live. It makes zero sense.

I even feel somewhat angry that people are going on this ‘it’s really sadddd but beautiful.. but SO SAD’ ‘it’s destined’ ‘it’s either the child or him. That’s just how it is.’

what on earth?

δ»€δΉˆsia

I will only forgive this by telling myself it’s strictly a drama and it is not meant to make sense in the real world.

that said, I hope no child has to pay for the mistakes their adults commit. even though it’s unrealistic to voice here, and in many ways, we have been paying for the crimes of our ancestors – but, it will all be set right in God’s timing.

meanwhile, shall indulge in supper to get over this sad and sordid and sadistic episode.

peace out

x

grrr

#destinyyourheadah #destinycaneatone? #koreandramas

 

oh ho, turns out I wasn’t the only one pissed off. link

God’s Gift – 14 days

Dude A ‘Give me the CD you mentioned, quick.’

*Dude B takes something out*

Dude A ‘Yah, why did you put the CD in the kimchi container?’

Dude B ‘I wanted to freeze it in order to maintain its freshness. :D’

Dude A says to his female partner ‘This guy is not right.’

Dude B ‘There was this new song that he (the artist) wrote about his brother. Do you want to hear it?’

Dude A ‘….’

Dude B starts singing terribly with abandon

Dude A and partner exchanges looks

Dude A ‘Yah, stop. I thought you were going to play the CD’

Dude B ‘:(‘

(God’s Gift – 14 Days, Episode 10)