tomorrow is gonna be the physical test. very thankful to those who remembered, whether is it because i finally got annoyed by incessant questioning or i reached out to them in anxiety or they simply remembered in their thoughts and prayers.
whatever the consequences of the test, i want to give thanks in advance. it has been a long and arduous journey since the start of 2016. i still remember the girl who cried her heart and guts out after realising supeng was gonna leave. i still remember her being so shocked at the NUS letter at the start of the year. i still remember the time something went wrong with her relief teaching application, and it crushed her world for a while.
and then the same girl got so insecure and afraid and lost and confused with what was happening to her senses and her understanding of how the spiritual world worked.
then i remembered the girl who decided to see what is going on in the world outside Singapore. the girl who navigated her way through messy, crowded and dubious places. the girl who took some risks in the new and old friendships, and threw others out without fear or hesitation, while mulling long over some.
the girl who struggled so badly to let go of some stuff, and to live with some gaps in her life. and then she fought with her own demons to go just a little deeper with God, and started seeing just a little bit..
such a long and painful journey. it’s hard to believe that i lived through all of that. it’s even harder to believe that it was such an intimate journey, and i think there’s still so much more to experience!
it’s not exactly a story i would have chosen out of my own accord, but watching how it has unfolded over time, i really wouldn’t trade even if i had a chance to!
whatever the consequences, i am going to hold this episode close to my heart. being close to Him – this has come at a great cost for me i guess, but nothing is sweeter.