it really can be a bit tiring

to be with a group of people who may take a lot of pride in their work performance and the money they get, even though it is something that people in my world would not think much of. they can sometimes go on and on and on about things i feel don’t matter, and they seem to do very myopic things sometimes. to just live for the next day, without a clear life goal. but it is fun to chip in meaningless stuff and be entertained by their reactions. and they really are very good at putting in that effort to love a friend and to include people in their circle, as long as the person has an acceptable work performance (they are kinda elitist in that way). work is their life – their income and their social life – and frankly, it works.

but instead we look at talents, skills, educational level and achievements. we look at intellectual pursuits, finance planning, drawing suitable boundaries between people, work-life balance etc. we argue about people problems with such detailed analysis, and we usually are able to control how we want to react. we don’t put much effort into relationships because it frankly isn’t always important. we accept that friendships change and relationships die, and that’s okay – we will just make new ones. after all, the best ones will pass the test of time.. right?

it’s hard to identify with both I suppose. i know i belong to the second, I have been there almost all my life. but gradually, God is opening up my eyes to notice and love people from the first. it’s pretty amazing and eye-opening. I have never been in the company of such people, especially since after I broke up with my ex-boyfriend. i may sound so myopic myself in this post, but i have been pretty well-protected all throughout my life.

my friends are highly educated individuals with multiple talents, most of them haven’t been in a position where they live ‘on the edge’. they are, in many ways, free to pursue things beyond the reach of many ‘ordinary people’. for their passion, they can disregard the potential income they could earn and just dive into what they love and just, simply refuse to budge. they are the kind of people my colleagues would feel like they didn’t make use of the privilege they have. but then there’s the other side where, for many reasons, many also fail to explore beyond the financial meaning of a degree or good-quality education.

if you give someone from the other world a degree, and you tell them they could do anything they want with it – chances are they are gonna dive into money-making first, without much thought. and they could thrive – because there’s not much else they need.

people in my world – we may not be so easily satisfied or content with our lot in life. we look for meaning, and higher purpose in what we do. it feels right to do so.. I guess. and yeah, i suppose God has really planted me here almost too well that i couldn’t settle for anything less. it’s so stressful to be here sometimes when people don’t see why you do what you do, why you insist on pursuing seemingly useless things.

i am finding some temporary refuge in the other world for now – because my world seems a bit too complicated and ruthless and cold for my liking. no matter which world we were born into, i suppose it’s always a personal decision to love and be better than we were yesterday.

i am not crossing over to follow anyone or anything but just feeling a bit more accepted for who i am in the other world sometimes, and things are comfortably fun and superficial for someone who has things to hide. more jokes, less questions, more fun, subtle love.

but really, thank God because He cares for me, and has sent some very nice angels to love me too. πŸ™‚

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