my mind takes an off day..

maybe?

I am supposed to be on shift at 1pm but it’s 1:05pm and I am still sitting at home. Life is tiring these days. Times when I just want to sleep and never wake up – yes, slightly morbid, I know.

I will eventually get to work and churn out my stuff on time – for those in the crowd hyperventilating at the thought of my irresponsible adult-ness.

Yesterday was quite a good day at work just because I felt like I have friends who love me more than my church does. :/ Kinda embarrassing to admit it, but it’s true, and gosh, it feels good to be loved and acknowledged and affirmed. Sometimes, that’s what keeps a person alive, doesn’t it?

There is a big day coming up next week. I feel like I am regressing, very quickly in fact, to a past version of me, but I can’t pinpoint which version this is. Haha. Which year it was. But it feels familiar.

I can’t wait for the big day to be over and then I can go ‘party’ lol. Even if that means another week of stalking portals and refreshing the same page to see if there’s any progress. Though actually, I feel like going for a really long run to the beach, or maybe even cycle. I haven’t cycled since… well, him. I still have the memories and it doesn’t hurt but I still don’t really like recalling them and seeing the shadows around me. It’s kinda creepy. I do really feel like burying myself deep in something though…. whichhhh i shall figure out when the time comes.

Maybe I would attempt some early spring-cleaning, and finally restart on my Christmas cards – because heartbreak stops me from doing heart work. Haha. Really need to stop staying here and go back to loving my kiddos.

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