I am supposed to be on shift at 1pm but it’s 1:05pm and I am still sitting at home. Life is tiring these days. Times when I just want to sleep and never wake up – yes, slightly morbid, I know.
I will eventually get to work and churn out my stuff on time – for those in the crowd hyperventilating at the thought of my irresponsible adult-ness.
Yesterday was quite a good day at work just because I felt like I have friends who love me more than my church does. Kinda embarrassing to admit it, but it’s true, and gosh, it feels good to be loved and acknowledged and affirmed. Sometimes, that’s what keeps a person alive, doesn’t it?
There is a big day coming up next week. I feel like I am regressing, very quickly in fact, to a past version of me, but I can’t pinpoint which version this is. Haha. Which year it was. But it feels familiar.
I can’t wait for the big day to be over and then I can go ‘party’ lol. Even if that means another week of stalking portals and refreshing the same page to see if there’s any progress. Though actually, I feel like going for a really long run to the beach, or maybe even cycle. I haven’t cycled since… well, him. I still have the memories and it doesn’t hurt but I still don’t really like recalling them and seeing the shadows around me. It’s kinda creepy. I do really feel like burying myself deep in something though…. whichhhh i shall figure out when the time comes.
Maybe I would attempt some early spring-cleaning, and finally restart on my Christmas cards – because heartbreak stops me from doing heart work. Haha. Really need to stop staying here and go back to loving my kiddos.