pretty good March I guess

i have rather mixed feelings about how March went, or rather, since the last time I posted.

I am glad I am alive! I am glad God is good. 🙂

Been learning a lot about myself, people and finding some thrill in diving into the Bible.

Decided to embark on another potentially pricey travel trip this year for the sake of my own sanity, and to figure out stuff with God. On some level, it might not be wise, but I think it is necessary for me to find an undisturbed zone or place away from the hustle of Singapore. To reset my heart and my soul 🙂

I am learning to love what I have been given, and to rejoice in the small things, and to rise to bigger things. Rediscovering the power of prayer and feeling brave enough to pray with authority and respect. Also, I have a desire to move into bigger and greater things God has prepared. But… in that, there’s always the small things to fulfill, and I need to learn to do those faithfully. 🙂

we found it backkkkk

went out with no. 3 tonight. idk why but it suddenly felt like forever since I enjoyed this ease and comfort and depth of sharing. so thankful for his honesty and his friendship. I thought we lost it over an incident a few week back. I thought I couldn’t lean on him but well, we all need a space to grow. And I guess, this was a season of growing for the both of us, and I am so glad that we still have what we have. And I hope we will always have what we have – naive, I know. But what’s the point of all these if there isn’t even something to work towards and strive for? Thanks for really being in my church and my community during these times. 🙂

Today was kinda special for many other reasons and I wish to remember every bit of it.

Thanks for heading down to Innisfree (yeah, a shop full of ladies) to buy my facial wash, and no thanks for complaining that my wash is expensive – because it is not. I know how you really hate such things, but you did it for me anyway – really appreciate you saving me a trip down, hahaha.

Thanks for making fun of my kiddy-ness and my new velcro shoes. I love how you are so uniquely you even when you are making fun of me – please don’t ever change this, it’s very infuriating to do all that arguing with you over my absolute grown-up-ness but also very entertaining at the same time. =D

Thanks for listening to all my stupid stories about weddings and life.

Thanks for showing interest in the work of the Kingdom and all your encouragements in helping me be a meaningful part of it. You do a lot more than you think you do, which is okay, haha.

Thanks for accepting me over and over again – with all those flaws.

The pleasure is mine. 🙂

 

well, i wouldn’t

well i wouldn’t say that timothy keller is life-changing. There really are some parts of his writing where I am just merely going through banter and I am not sure if there is any real point to be made.

But I am reading Prayer right now and some parts of it has been rather insightful, though I am not sure if anything really hits home. He uses very comfy language in my opinion, which, somewhat lacks oomph and conviction.

That said, I still feel my ideas about prayer are being challenged, and fresh stuff does enter my heart and soul.

David found the heart to pray when he received God’s Word of promise – that he would establish his throne and build him a house. Christians, however, have an infinitely greater Word of promise. God will not merely build us a house, he will make us HIS house. He will fill us with his presence, beauty and glory. Every time Christians merely remember who they are in Christ, that great word comes home to us and we will find, over and over, a heart to pray.

Chapter 4, Conversing with God

Prayer: Experience Awe and Intimacy with God, by Timothy Keller.

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I have been putting quite a bit of effort into my practice these days. It’s really tough to relearn the basics and having to go back and fix simple stuff like position, and posture. Sigh, I regret learning under other teachers in the past. So much to correct and so much to change, but slowly but surely, I have been making progress.

Still a long way to perfection but I will get there! shall be 99tenten soon

I am also trying to get back my entire routine. Been setting early alarms and trying to wake up early to run or just soak in the morning air. Reading. Journaling. Songwriting, even, on some days.

Thinking back to last year – I now have an almost entirely different set of friends and people I trust. But some have stayed and made the journey a bit easier. If anything, I am still very sure that God has something greater for me than what is before my eyes now, and I will continue to wait.

Yes, I can see a light that is coming
For the heart that holds on
And there will be an end to these troubles
But until that day comes
Still I will praise You, still I will praise You

My God is faithful, my God is faithful.

You Never Let Go by Matt Redman

things

i want to remember: today i had movie marathon with j and e. never done this sorta thing before, but it was cosy, full of laughs and full of vegetables.

idw to remember: feeling like someone might leave soon. i regret that i am too burdensome and too broken to belong and be loved. feeling like i need to live up to perfection. feeling like i can’t be honest with people i love about who i am and what i feel and who i wish to be, because if i were to do that, they would leave.

somewhat mundane work day

but still kind of thankful for it because of the time i managed to spend with the honestbee gang.

there’s still fear running through my veins about what the future holds, and i am always thankful for the affirmation and the assurance.

we have hit another weekend and my optimism wanes just a bit more.

God will always give me the best for me ya? 🙂

jiayou eh vi.

should catch up on other habits/stuff asap, haha.

i am pretty glad that i have overcome some barriers as far as piano practice goes, and also running head first into other barriers, lol. it’s okay they will be knocked down soon enough….? *valiant attempt at optimism*

i am truly glad for the things i have left in my life now – not in a envious or demeaning kinda way though. But i do think that without these things, i could never be who i am today. bad people will take hold of my heart and won’t let it go until it runs out of juice, but the good people and good things.. they protect me and they keep me sane and they keep me hoping and they show me things i don’t know about myself.

thanks so much for believing in me even when i can’t.

christmas 2016

has been utterly amazing.

i spent almost the entire day with jen and eugene.

the day was incredibly unexpected and filled with good company and food. it’s not what i would have imagined, or would have hoped for i suppose? But, it turned out very well and special.

church service, good sashimi, good coffee and intelligent friends – what more could one ask for?

words cannot express how special this year is. not all special in good ways, but just uniquely 2016. whatever it is, i am thankful for all the people who hurt me this year because if not for you guys, 2016 wouldn’t be a year of me discovering myself and the friends i need to go on. so, thanks for breaking my heart? haha. it’s good, it’s all good.

i am thankful for this journey once again. it may come to an end really soon, but yeah, again, thankful, thankful, thankful.

vivien, don’t ever forget this special christmas. ❤

it’s almost december

I am having a really rare off day. Decided to give my kids a day off cell group to catch up on other parts of their lives – like having rest, spending time with their family, preparing for their exams. It also happened that I am not feeling too well myself. I would have been practicing on the piano by now.. but uncle is making a lot of noise in the living room + I left most of my books after a night out with my amazing colleagues.

Not being in the mood to do much of anything, I am just sitting here clearing up my table and attempting to get some of the year-end christmasy stuff done. Maybe it’s all in God’s plan to make me sit here and listen to Him.

Many have been asking me for prayer requests and/or updates from MOE. I always answer the same thing. You would think they would have remembered the answer by now – but nah, people don’t – whichhhh I am getting used to.

It’s been so long since I logged back into Careers@Gov to check my application status. So long to the extent that I forgot the portal link, and I am not sure if i sign in on another device.. maybe i have forgotten the password too. I managed it today anyway – went back in, and there it was – one of the most sacred words I hanged on to, for the longest time.

My heart has so much to say to God, but so little actually makes it out of my mouth, and some of it comes out through my eyes on bad days. And a lot of it doesn’t reach others.

There are so many reasons why I love my life now. The most bittersweet reason is one I know so damn clearly deep inside my soul – I love it because I know it won’t last. I know it will be gone like the wind one day and I know, I just know, I won’t be able to chase it back. These memories are and will be a gift, but it’s also one that I have to move on from when He calls me somewhere else.

I really wish to keep some people and some things though, if I may and He wills it. I know clearly that He loves me and He has really given me the best, but I guess I now need to live like it. 🙂

Thank You^infinity

#thebestisyettocome

why i am here

i love my colleagues and all their different personalities.

maybe it is truly naive to say this, and so not fitting of a 26yo to say this:

but man, they are real.

and they remind me of a gap the world needs.

all the jokes and teasing and suaning – but still kind and loving and inclusive and unafraid to stand up for their friends and take responsibility for their mistakes and ready to forgive others and competent and willing to clear tasks first and settle people problems later in a mature manner.

 

this is not to say everyone is an angel, and not to say they are super flawless, but i am just increasingly thankful for this time in my life – which may seem like such a glorious waste of youth to many people – to see and learn so much from this group. the pleasure is truly mine.

God really has His timing and His plan is perfect, even though I may not have enjoyed the whole process and I suppose we are still cold-warring….. may it end soon. 🙂

socks, conversations, people

feeling kinda thankful for the past 24 hours or so.

i had a good, though very much delayed, conversation with a friend. Well, at least it happened, and I do hope we are on track for a better future as individuals because of it.

andddd i bought some really awesome socks.

whatsapp-image-2016-09-26-at-00-32-47look at how cute they areeeeee. i promised a supervisor i will reserve the dinosaur one for when she’s on duty. 🙂

 

and i completed the rather small group of exam packs this year! 🙂 a bit costly for the part-timer me, but… what’s love without some costs.. if it’s love, it’s not cost.

okay, i am not enthusiastic to make much sense today. nothing is making sense in my world recently.

whatsapp-image-2016-09-26-at-11-47-31names will be revealed once all the packs are on their way to their owners-to-be. 🙂

i am too lazy to write a lengthy post today. i have a long day ahead, and a lot of excitement because i get to give out survival packs. =D

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